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Deadly Tattoo Ninjas!

Secrets of the Tattoo Shop: Tattooers Actually Know How To Draw!

by JasonLambertArtist

October 14, 2005

I'm not sure why, but a surprising number of people do not realize that the ability to draw is required in order to tattoo. I say this because almost daily someone comes in with a horrible drawing their little brother did and says "I couldn't find a better picture than this, can you do it?" We then explain that we can draw something using their idea but without it looking like something a one eyed drunk chimpanzee drew, they inevitably get a surprised expression and say "OH! I didn't know you guys could draw!" One wonders what it is they think we are doing onto their skin if it isn't a form of drawing, but sometimes it's safer not to look TOO deep into the mind of the "average" person.

Dear Toodles,

i have submitted 1 tatoo design some of which was not well recieved by some others it was well i dont really care if you liked it or not but getting a tatoo is about expresing your slef and if you have a problem with that then you have a problem, with your self so here is another tatto idea thi makes 2 get tatto of a full moon on your ass and wreite my name in it so you will remember what i am sitting on copyright 1985-2005 intelectual properties are souly owned by me any body usint my idea without written consent from the owner will be called a copycat and i would like to see some eyes put on my head 3 of them one with the devil in the pupil one with god in the pupil and one with death in the pupil because they are all watchinh i think that makes 5 tatoo desings one more and a am a lifte time memeber ;) ,erry christmas to all and to all a good night and if any tattoo artist would like to tattoo these tattoo on me for the practice i dont really have any money but if they just want to do it i would be wiiling to work out a barter agreement give them ideas for tattos if they tattoo me so e-mail me and if you dont have anything nice to say then keep your fucking mouth shut but if you do then you can e-mail me


Ohhhhhh kaaayyyyyyyy Adam,

So many levels of crazy here that I almost donít know where to begin! I mean you have slightly crazy shit like "tattoos are about slef expression" and thatís kinda nutty in a funny way.
Then there is the more "out of touch with reality" crazy of gems like "any body using my idea without written consent from the owner will be called a copy cat" A little funky but still pretty funny. . .
After that, though, is the really scary Charles Manson type shit about devil and God in the pupils. And that shit just ainít funny at all. I thought of the many ways I could answer your questions, but in the end there really isnít anything I can tell you that voices in your noggin havenít already. All I can really tell you, by way of advice, is that tin foil makes a lovely hat AND stops the z-rays from corrupting your brain.


Dear Toodles,

Just read the articale on how to protec your image by registering your image. I have recently had the opportuntiy to be ripped off by a lcoal tattoo shop in regards to doing some fine custom work. I ahd been dealing with the one brother and had no problem with him paying when the art was delivered, but the the other brother decided not to pay the owing tab when I dropped the work off, but he daid I would get paid when he did. i made the mistake of trusting him to pay, but alas, no payemtn has been made as of yet. I have copies of the work, and have sent numerous letters via e-mail, stating that the property he has cannot be used until it is paid for. This has bee going on for about two months now, and I want to be paid!!!


A Fellow Starving Artist!!!


Starving artist Gypsy? I am a lot of things, but starving ainít one of them. My 4 hoagie a day habit insures that the Toodles back up fuel supply is always large and charged.
However a common rule in tattooing seems to apply here and it is "Services rendered only upon full remuneration" otherwise known as "Get the fuckiní money first". If you canít get your loot back Iím sure that you can at least get a really funny episode of COPS out of the whole deal.

Dear Toodles,

i got a tat and it's smudged...what the hell do i do?? i'd like to go kick the livin' shit out of the guy who did it but he's a hell of alot bigger than i am!!


Lacey (is that E really necessary?), we feel your pain.
Itís horrible to have a shitty tattoo done by someone who can twist you into a pretzel if you mention how shitty it is to them. This sounds like a job for deadly tattoo ninjas. You see the deadly tattoo ninja cares not for the giant size of your tattooer, they know the secret mystical arts of ninjitsu, the lethal tanto, the elusive shuriken, and the fuel thrifty Honda. In the blink of an eye, the offending tattooerís thumbs will be sliced off and his reign of smudgy terror will be ended. Ahhh yes, truly awesome to behold is the deadly power of the tattoo ninja.
Unfortunately he's out shopping for stools at Ikea with his "life partner" at the moment. But we'll be sure to tell him you called. In the meantime you might want to try looking at peopleís portfolios before letting them ink you in a smudgy way forever and everÖ

Dear Toodles,

If I were to get a tattoo on my lower back , above my butt, could it mess up my spin in amyway? I heard that if you get a tattoo across your lower back it affects your spin. And also, would it make your leg jump?


Mohawk69, clever name there. Either you were born in 69 which means youíre too old for a Mohawk. Or you think 69 is a secret thing about mutual oral gratification that no one but you will figure out. Either way, YAWN.
Will a tattoo above your bootay affect your spin? I guess if you spin a lot and the miniscule amount of ink in a tattoo will counter balance you too much then it just might. I would hate to see you spin out of control and fly through a plate glass window because a tattoo threw you off; my advice is to skip it Ďtil spin season is over.


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