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Pricing Pussy and the Deaf Chineser Guy

We think our art is good enough for the nicest refridgerators. But we're biased.

by AdamSkyArtist

March 31, 2005

Got a burning question about tattooing but were afraid to ask? Fire Toodles an email! We're can't be sure if some of our emails are difficult to decifer due to a language barrier or perhaps our retardo translator is busted again. These are real emails! I swear on a stack of boy scouts!

Dear Toodles,

do people price there pussy

Yeng

Dear Yeng,

Yes Yeng, Iím afraid that sometimes people do indeed price their pussy. Itís not an easy thing as you might assume either, so many factors can affect the price of pussy (or POP as I like to call it.) Is the pussy large or small? Relatively new or old? Does it look like a delicate flower or a hatchet attack on a baloney sandwich? So many factors and of course the market fluctuates wildly, the POP market is affected by international trends: Is Japanese pussy up this week? Is German pussy being stocked for the usually pussy deprived winter months? Did a poor season in Peru result in sub-par pussy? My advice if your pricing pussy, Yeng, is to just grab all the pussy you can now and hold it ítil the price goes up!

Dear Toodles,

how long do it for a tatto book.

Precious

Dear Precious,

Ahh Precious. . Myyyy Pressssssciousssssssss. . .er. . Where was I? Oh yea, well your question looks a lot like the junk email subject lines I get a lot. You know stuff like "Excellent VíI.A,G.RíA benefits for your CíO.C-K" type stuff. So I going to assume that you are in reality trying to sell me a mortgage, penis enlargement pills, or a membership to a coprophagia porn site.

Either way, sign me up for all three!

In case this really is a human asking a real question, the answer is. . Um, well I have no idea what the question is. If youíre asking how long a tattoo takes, the answer is "how long is a piece of string". And if youíre asking to make an appointment at tattoodles, Iím afraid that unless you can enter the inter-web like TRON and come sit on my digital lap I wont be able to help you there either.

Dear Toodles,

i wish to sign up with you guys i have 45 tattoos on my body but i want
to try you guys out first with out paying all that money. that girl that
ia in the photo is hot send me your phone number

Jack

Dear Jack,

Well Jordan jack, I canít tell how you make your living via your email, so ill just assume youíre a car mechanic. I want to try out your brand of tires without "paying all that money". How about you put those tires on my car and ill drive Ďem around for, say, a year? Then Iíll pay for Ďem if I like Ďem. Cool? You know, I wonder something, did any of the artists of your 45 tattoos (who keeps counting after 10 anyway?) let you "try them out" before "paying all that money" for them?

That girl in the photo IS hot, and her phone number is 555-1234, at least thatís what she told me. When I call, I keep getting some guy yelling "Fat Tommyís Pizza, whadda ya want?" but I think thatís just her dad, so keep trying if she doesnít answer the first time.

Dear Toodles,

is it okey if i want to have a tatto in my breast?

Jennifer

Dear Jennifer,

I was about to insult your choice of wording when I suddenly realized that you had revealed how foolish the REST of us have been! All this time we've been saying "a tattoo on your breast" or" a tattoo on your leg" when in reality these tattoos ARE INSIDE US! That rose with a baby-daddy name isnít ON your arm, its freakiní IN IT! ! Oh man, I never really thought of tattoos that wayÖ wow Iím getting kinda queasy here. . . the tattoos. . . inside me. . . its IN ME! Iím gonna barf. . . next question!

Dear Toodles,

HI!I'm deaf n chineser guy.I wanna copy the tattoo other more..more.

Kamenashi

Dear Kamenashi,

Chineser? Isnít it really "more Chinese"? "Chinese-ier"? And while Iím sure that you are pretty Chinese, are you really Chineser than say, Jackie Chan? Heís pretty darn Chinese and I think in a fair fight, he would probably Chineser the hell outta you. And Iím sure that the noble Mr. Chan wouldnít dream of copying the tattoo other more. . more.

Dear Toodles,

WTF??? With all ur resources, you can't come up with better flash than
this garbage??? I've seen better drawings hanging on refridgerators!

Wade

Dear Wade,

Wow Wade, your fridge has better stuff than Bob Tyrellís art? Adam Shields? Mike Malone!!? Not to mention the hundreds of other folks whose work is renowned in the world of tattooing for their creativity and talent! All that sucks too?
However much I am boggled by the fact that youíve seen better art than this on fridges (was the fridge in the Louvre by any chance?) There is, of course, only one solution. And that is for you to submit your own super awesome flash, if its anything this magnificent fridge flash you describe, we'll have to wipe the database and just have one categoryÖ "Wade".

Toodles

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