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How to Tell Your Girlfriend You Hate Her Tats... or Not

Here are this week's letters!

January 25, 2005

Got a question about tattoos? Ask Toodles!

Dear Toodles:
My girlfriend has a thing for kittens. The more sickeningly cute the better it seems. The bedroom decor and the crazy paint-by-numbers shit of wide-eyed kitties hanging in the wall is one thing, but she's got the nastiest, bubble-gum sweet cat tat just above her... um pussy. Every time I see it, I might as well be imagining m grandma naked. I can't perform. What's a guy to do?
-Pussyless in Seattle

Dear Pussyless:
Sorry dude, like the smell of urine on my shag rug, the ink and your girlfriend are inseparable. Is she hot? That's the first thing you gotta ask yourself. If the answer is yes and you can't get past that kitty thing, try shtuppin' her in the dark or while wearing a blindfold. If that doesn't work, then perhaps you should ask yourself if perhaps, girls ain't your dish of milk, that pussy might not be your meat of choice. Either way your cat door swings, one thing's for certain: you are a sad, sad little man.
I hope that helps.

Greetings,
I just found your sign and am really enjoying it. I do have a little bit of information for a couple of your artists though. A lot of their "Celtic" images aren't. Jeff Bartels has some bird and dog knots. Well any time that an animal is depicted in an image like that it dates back earlier to Norse mythology and art. I don't know the Norwegian word but in English it is called the griping beast since it is biting its own tail usually. Also Sean Walker has posted a "Celtic Hammer". That can't be more Norsk Mythological. The hammer comes directly from Thor the God of the Sky son of Odin. There is no way the hammer image is Celtic. Other than that the site is great and I look to seeing more. Thanks for your time.
Kevin

Well ya see Kevin. . . Its like this. We could either have 400 tabs with microscopic sections called things like “norse celticish but not really celtic designs” and “things that bother Kevin” and each one could have like 3 designs in it. . .or we could accept that not all “tribal” actually comes from a tribe and not all “celtic” comes from a . . er. . .celt. We chose the latter.

Dear Toodles,
hi wondered if you could help me find the japanese symbols for (DaddysGirl) I would like to have a tattoo of that and cant find it. Thanks so much.
Jenn in NY

Hi Jenn,
Japanese is an interesting language. . . You might put the symbols for “daddy” and “girl” together and end up with a tattoo that means “I touch monkey nuts” if directly translated. Are there any Japanese restaurants around you? You might want to try asking an employee to write it out for you. . .of course you might end up with “$5 a night” on you instead of “daddys girl”, but who will know!?

Dear Toodles,
I wondered if you could help (great site by the way) would you be able to tell me if there is a celtic knot or tribal symbol that means 'strength' or 'strong' i have tried so many places and ive had no luck. i would be grateful for any help :) thank you.
Jon. Birmingham. UK.

Hi Jon,
we forwarded your question to Kevin, but he became so enraged that he burst a blood vessel . So ill try my best without his expert knowledge. Celtic actually isn’t a language, it’s a style of design. Celtic knots may have meaning in the same way a cross or an anchor does, but they don’t really describe things like “strong”, actually they usually describe things like “man with twisty arms eating bird whose biting his dog” or something like that. If you want to get really technical, try finding someone who can write gaelic that’s about as close to a celtic “language” as your likely to get.

Dear Toodles,
how much will tattoo cost me if i just
get a name on my arm
Tramaine

That depends Tramaine. How long is a piece of string? How much is a bag of groceries? Whats a dickfer?

You don’t know whats a dickfer!?

Dear Toodles,
Have you ever heard of someone getting a tatoo on the sole of the foot? If so would it hurt more or less than any other part of the body like an arm?
Meg

Hi Meg,
A tatoo? No.
A Tattoo? Yes.
Yes it will hurt like hell, and chances are that it wont heal well or hold in the skin very well either. Still, if paying some stranger to hurt your feet is the kind of thing your into. . .meet me behind the shop at 8:00. . . .

Toodles

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