The Mag Gallery The Hood
User Pass Stay logged in (?)
The Mag
Inside the Mag
Special Feature
Tattoo Culture
Artist Spotlight
Product Reviews
Tattoo Symbolism
Tattoos 101
Ask Toodles
Editorial Page
tribal pattern

Contacts

User's Guide
Submit Product for Review
Editorial Policy
 

Ask Toodles > View Ask Archives

Japanese Spilling!

Toodles Fills You In on the Angle of his Dangle

by JasonLambertArtist

August 30, 2005

I really, really think that I should get some shirts printed up, not for sale, just for me to wear every day. On the front it would say
1. Never Been asked
2. No
3. Yes
4. I stopped counting.

That way when I get asked 600 times a day "What would you do if someone wanted a swastika?" "Would you tattoo a penis?" "Do you have to draw to do this?" and "How many tattoos do you have?" I can just point to the shirt.

On the back it would say something like "Subsurface Dermapigment Insertion Specialist."

Sweet!

Dear Toodles,

hi i'm suppose to be getting an tattoo of my name(sharon) in asian or
japaness spilling can you send me the example of my name written in either
one of the spilling

Sharon

Sharon (or Shalon in Asian) my friend, there are lots and lots of online videos of Japanese spilling. . .you might have more luck finding it if you use the term bukkake in a search engine. It doesnít sound as romantic as "Japanese spilling" but the idea is the same. . By the way, you may wish to bring a towel with you.
Iím not sure why you thought ol' uncle Toodles could help you with your Japanese Spilling . . .er. . . thingy. . . but those days are behind me aside for my monthly check up at the free clinic.

Dear Toodles,

were should i get my next tattoo

coolguy

Coolguy, COOLguy? Ok, uh. . .cool. . . guy Iím afraid that I must doubt your actual level of coolness (or in fact your level of guyness. . but I'll let you have that one for now) if you donít realize that there is only one place to get your next tattoo. However, I am not an unsympathetic Toodles so I shall assume you have been out in the woods at the coolguy camp-n-grope-fest 2005 and somehow missed the boat on the best place to get a tattoo.
The only place to get your next tattoo would be at MUSTAFIRS TATTOO SALOON! Duh!? Tattooing, t-shirts, a saloon. . Presumably cowboys.. . You get the idea.
Oh sure its in Bangladesh and Musty only sells t-shirts but if your a "real" coolguy you donít actually get the tattoo (cause those, like, hurt and stuff) but you sport the hell out of the shirt. . .
Oh! You meant where on your BODY!? oh thatís easy. . .
Taint.

Dear Toodles,

What is the angle of the the taper and diameter of a single tattoo needle?

SuprPickl

Supr-non-e-usin-pickl,
Before I answer that, let me ask you something. . . what is the angle of the dangle? Huh!? The curve of the swerve? The heat of the meat? The drip of the tip?

To answer your question we must use a mathematical formula as follows:
Needle Diameter= n2 x .05/1/8th R. * sine. + Need to Know = nfB
So we can now clearly see that (nfB) equals Nunya fuggin bizniz.

Dear Toodles,

What's happenin im from south africa,Mad website wanting a filthy chop with
Poisen stars and with my name 'Marshal" come with a small tag.Must be a
buster see if you can hook me up.take it easy the funkstar deluxe.

Marshal

Marshall, let me begin by saying "huh?" Is this Bootsy Collins trying to be all incognito?

Second, with a vocabulary like yours I gotta point out that "Marshall" seems kinda tame. . .shouldnít your name be something like "Fonkjammer Moonmaster" or "Delsheus Orpheana Exstzy" or something? Think about it, all this crazy slang coming out of your gob and when some poor bemused passer by asks your moniker, you go "Marshall". Itís just not funky enough, unless your last name is "OfTheMultiverse". If so, then rock on.

Lastly, a filthy chop sounds quite painful and unhygienic. Iíve been chopped a few times in my life, but Iíve never been filthy chopped. Do ninjas do the filthy chop? If so, that would explain the "Poisen" stars, if they throw one of those into your neck its lights out for good, brother. Iím no expert in the mysterious ways of the ninja, but if you really want one visiting you, Ill see what I can dig up. . . .

===============================================
Skype网络& #30005;话再降费& #29575;,国际长途每分& #38047;只1毛7,8月31号&# 20043;前可得话费

心& #21160;在TOM,注&#208 76;邮箱不后悔!

全面&#21 319;级至大容& #37327;,高速度,超&#234 33;全。还等什么呢 !

明星送祝&# 31119;(http://sr.tom.com/): 周杰伦 蔡 依林 王力宏 田震 &nbsp代您送&#21 435;生日祝福

万首金曲免 费送(http://mm.tom.com/ivr/) : 你到底爱谁 千年之恋 我是真的爱你 一辈子做你的女孩

Dear . . .. . um. . . . Tom(?). . .
I, like most North Americans, do not speak or read Chinese. This is obviously a failure on our parts owing to the fact that your country will no doubt be ruling the world very soon. I, for one, welcome our new Chinese Overlords and have the names of several people in desperate need of "re-education". However, I canít really make out your question so feel free to take your answer from any of the list below.
1) No.
2) Only on the head, chest, neck, and face.
3) One time and it took penicillin to get rid of it.
4) Make sure she's 18 first
5) Thatís illegal in most countries
6) Tug it once for "yes" and tug it 5000 times for "no".

Toodles

Got a question for Toodles?

  • Name:
  • Message:

Latest Ask Archives

View all archived articles