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Ask Toodles > View Ask Archives

Enough with the Tattoo Drama!

...and Toodles tells you where you can rub that numbing cream.

by JasonLambertArtist

September 29, 2005

It never ceases to amaze me at the level of performance art people will create for their friends. Someone who has sat calmly getting tattooed for an hour will all the sudden turn into a victim of the inquisition the second their spouse/friend appears. This is annoying enough, but when it happens via cell phone its even worse. "ARRRGGGHHH They KILLIN me! You hear da machine???"
Funnily enough, apparently no one can hear a tattoo machine over a cell phone. So then our drama queen/king has to go into a lurid description of the horrors we are perpetrating on their virginal flesh. Sometimes. . . sometimes. . .we're all tempted to turn their little tale of terror into reality. . .

Dear Toodles,

feel like an ass asking this but you might be able to give me a honest (and smart ass) answer. My friend belives that she had numbing used when she got her tattoo, my cousin think sthat they arn't allowed to use it. Which is true? Also, compared to piercing's, how much do tattoo's actually hurt, is it more of an irritable sensation or is it actual pain.

Nice stemz

Nice Stemz? Last time I checked there were no nice stemz, seeds and sticks are definite bummer and it sounds like something a shady dealer would try to palm off on you. "Hey man, thereís a ton of stemz in this bag!"
"yea bro, but theyíre nice stemz"
Anyway, assuming your friend wasnít dipping into the aforementioned bag; it is possible that she went to a shop that uses numbing cream. My personal experience with the over the counter numbing creams hasnít been that great. Its expensive, takes forever to work, makes the skin sorta doughy and hard to tattoo and wears off after 5 minutes. Frankly a tattoo doesnít really hurt all that much, if someone really canít stand the sensation then they probably donít want the tattoo very badly.
At our shop the only cream we offer people who are whining about the pain is Vagisil.

Dear Toodles,

I am contemplating my first tattoo. I am extremely nervous. I have two piercings and during both I passed out cold. I am hoping that won't happen with my tattoo, but do you have any advise on making this expierience a little less nervewracking?


YEAHHHHHHH 420 YO! Get It? *wink wink* 420! WOOHOOO dude!!! Yea man thatís our secret code for like, stuff that the MAN donít understand maaaaaaaaaan. . . 420, for-EVAR bro!!
Huh? Oh yea forgot where I was for a second there. . . . Anyway, passing out during tattooing or piercing is a combination of two things (unless you're Jennutt420, in which case the old reefer prolly has something to do with it as well) those two things are nervousness and your body's natural reaction to stress. The nervousness can be a tough one, it helps if you have an artist who is willing to chat with you beforehand and will ease you into the tattoo. Also having a meal beforehand definitely helps your body deal with the scardieness as well.
The second part is a reaction to the nervousness, as you're sitting there gripping the chair for dear life and filling your skivvies (what, you donít do that?) Your body is all "what the fuck is gonna happen that is making you so nervous?" and your brain is all "DUUUUUUDE 420!!!" er. . .I mean is all "bad thing soon! BAD THING SOON!!!!!" so the moment that needle touches you your body gets all defensive about the "bad thing" and dumps adrenaline and endorphins into you to encourage you to run away and hide under a car. Of course the pain isnít really that bad, but your stress and fear make the reaction to it more drastic.
In short, lay off the left handed cigarettes, you dopers, and relax.

Dear Toodles,

Dear Toodles, My friends' 15 year old sister is planning on getting a tattoo for her 16th. Personally I feel this is morally wrong as if I had to wait until I was over 18 therefore so should she. Do you have any advice for how I can intefere and stop her getting tattoo'd by someone who'll probably end up giving her some thing else in addition to her tattoo. The 'artist' is aware of her age.



Your note is a tough one for me. I agree with you on the fact that your friend should wait for a tattoo, however "morally wrong" are two words I hate to see together (especially on a search warrant. . .but I digress. . .) As far as "interfering" goes there are a couple routes to consider. One involves discussing your fears with her, telling her the dangers of going to illegal scratcher tattooers, and showing her examples of the shitty work they produce (just put "tattoo parties" in a search engine for numerous examples. . . ) the second involves tattling to her mommy like a schoolgirl.
Of course if her mom doesnít care then a tattoo is the least of her worries. . .

Dear Toodles,

wat is the price to geta tattoo? were can i get my tattoo done? what is the best tattoo for a girl with a dark completion



The price to get a tattoo is your eternal soul. . . Uh. . Wait a minute, thatís not right.. .
The price of a tattoo depends on what you want, where you want it, how large you want it, your tattooers child support payments and how complicated the tattoo is.
As for where you can get your tattoo done, I say it all the time and Ill say it again. . On your ass, on your ass, on your ass.
As for having a dark complexion, your tattooer will have to look at what you decide to get and where to tell you that. Chances are you will be able to do just about anything you want with minor tone adjustments to accommodate your skin tone.

Dear Toodles,

i want to make me an
tatoo with a shark
or cartoon shark
but I WANT IT WILL BE shark
can we send me some ideas what is would be or some pictures of tatoos with sharks.


Dear XXXXXXXXXX (I hate calling you by your nickname 10x)

We got sharks yo. Phat sharks, B. We got sharks all up in this piece, thereís a shark gnawing on my ankle as we speak. If there was an award for the sheer number of sharks, we would be at least 3rd place and be standing on the platform that is just a lil' bit lower than the one is standing on.
We have what we like to call, "Sharkitude"
But are you worthy of our sharks? Yea you donít just waltz . . .uh . .type. . On in here and demand some of our sharkieness like you own the place, XXXXXXXXXX. You want Tattoodles sharks? Subscribe and then prepare for the world of shark that will make you weep, my friend.

Dear Toodles,

not very happy with the selection.



Tattoodles is like the Rebellion in the Star wars movies. . You see. . .hey! Come back! . . . Where you goiní!? . . .Brenda? . . .BRENDA!?. . . . . . .
Shit, I was about to get to the Wookie part. . . .


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